The Osbournes

Ozzy is upset by Kelly's tendency to wear revealing outfits when she goes out to clubs and parties. She feels that he is being overprotective. Ozzy worries about the behavior of one of the bulldogs, Colin, as he is attacking the other dogs (especially Lola). He tries to give him away to an employee, but Jack strongly objects. Ozzy grows frustrated, as he feels that no one pays attention to anything he says. He and Jack eventually patch things up, and Sharon tries to get through to Kelly.

Kelly annoys everyone, particularly Sharon, with her disgusting lack of personal hygiene as she refuses to shower for a long period of time. She is upset when Sharon accuses her of smoking. Ozzy receives a letter supposedly from the Prime Minister of Canada asking him to come to Canada to receive an award. Ozzy, however, suspects that the whole thing is a hoax.

Kelly and Ozzy plan to travel to England, where they are to perform a duet of ""Changes,"" the title track from Kelly's sophomore album, on Top of the Pops. Ozzy upsets Kelly by saying that he doesn't want to come with her, but Sharon assures her that he will change his mind. Kelly's boyfriend, Rob, joins her on the trip. Ozzy annoys Kelly when he immediately complains of boredom and says that he wants to go back to Los Angeles. They later get along well while riding ATVs on the family's estate. Everyone seems pleased with their duet, and Ozzy predicts that it could hit number one on the U.K. charts. Before a talk show appearance, Kelly gets into a fight with Rob. They apparently break up, and he returns to the U.S. Ozzy suffers an accident while riding one of the ATVs. His bodyguard finds him lying on the ground, unconscious.

Ozzy and Sharon fret about all of the time they must spend apart as she works on her talk show. One of Sharon's scheduled guests, rapper/actor DMX, runs late and is in danger of not making it to the show on time. He has a history of being late or skipping out on events, and Sharon finds the whole situation very amusing. Ozzy gives everyone who stops by the house a tour of his new home studio. He enjoys watching porn on the state-of-the-art TV. Ozzy also buys a new motorcycle, but isn't quite sure how to start it. Meanwhile, Jack and his friends find new and disgusting ways to entertain themselves.

Sharon faces pressure from the powers that be behind her talk show, who are disappointed in her performance and expect her to work harder. She refuses to incorporate their suggestions into the show. Kelly and Jack grow tired of appearing on Sharon's show; both refuse her request for a co-hosting appearance. Ozzy very reluctantly agrees to appear in the Halloween episode. He believes that he is going to just be a guest, and is furious when he learns (at the last minute) that he is to serve as co-host. Meanwhile, the Osbournes' property undergoes some re-decorating. The workmen struggle to move a gigantic Buddha statue across the yard.

Kelly experiences problems in her relationship with Bert. He finally breaks up with her over the phone on Valentine's Day, claiming that no one took him seriously because he was dating her. Kelly becomes extremely irritable and depressed, and takes her anger out on the family. She argues with Sharon, who suggests that she find another manager; and bites Jack on the arm. She overhears her family talking about her and decides to leave home. Meanwhile, Jack is alarmed when he acts out violently in his sleep. He wakes up one night to find himself beating up Lola. On another night, he attacks Minnie; and is horrified to wake up and discover that he has killed her. He flees the house with the body. A devastated Sharon retreats to the family's Malibu home to escape memories of Minnie. Ozzy is left all alone, with no one to help him fix the television. Suddenly, the director yells, ""Cut!"" Ozzy rejoins his family (including Minnie) in another room, and it is revealed that this episo

After 17 years of waiting, Ozzy fulfills his dream of taking Jack on a fishing trip. They get in trouble with the captain for throwing firecrackers at the pelicans. Everyone on board places bets on who can catch the largest fish, and a friend of Jack's wins the contest. Ozzy winds up catching some tin cans and a bird. He also momentarily mistakes a seal for a shark. Nevertheless, they both have a great time on the trip.

Sharon receives a peace offering from one of her folk-singing neighbors, but the neighbors on the other side begin to drive the family crazy by playing tennis at all hours of the day and night. Jack tries playing drums outside, and Ozzy blasts the loudest, most obnoxious music he can find. However, nothing seems to have an effect on the neighbors. Jack shoots at the court with his paintball gun, leading to a visit from the police. Sharon suspects that the neighbors are responsible when three of the Osbournes' cats disappear, although the coyotes seem the more likely culprit. Kelly brings home another cat, but Ozzy isn't very happy about it.

Ozzy and Sharon prepare to leave for a few days on a Hawaiian vacation. Ozzy tells Jack that he is no longer to have people over at the house after 11 PM. Kelly is afraid that Jack will turn the house into a nonstop party while their parents are gone. Sharon promises to talk to him, but this does little to reassure Kelly. Jack has a lot of people over late at night, and they soon begin using the pool and making a lot of noise. Kelly becomes very upset because she is tired of Jack and his friends keeping her from sleeping. He refuses to listen to Melinda when she asks them to be quiet. When Kelly confronts Jack, he dares her to hit him, so she nails him in the face. They get into a fight, and the staff has to pry them apart. Kelly calls Sharon for sympathy, but Jack gets on the line and complains about the cuts to the face he sustained from the punch. Kelly feels Jack deserved what he got; Melinda agrees somewhat, but warns Kelly to be careful about her temper. Sharon and Ozz

The pets suffer from a flea infestation, creating havoc around the house and leaving everyone itchy and miserable. Kelly prepares to go on a trip to Philadelphia to visit her boyfriend, Bert. Sharon does not want her to go away alone (she prefers her to have security at all times), and drives Kelly crazy as she somewhat jokingly nags her. Sharon has Robert and Jack move a heavy statue out to the garden, but never seems satisfied by the location. She forces them to move it several times. The house is redecorated, and Ozzy finds himself extremely bewildered by a giant statue of a hand. Kelly goes against her parents' wishes and gets a nose ring, which Sharon wants her to remove. Kelly later mistakes the nose ring for something on her nose and accidentally flicks it out.

Sharon and Ozzy decide to renew their wedding vows at a hotel on New Year's Eve. Kelly is to serve as flower girl, with Jack and Robert as ushers. Kelly objects to the fact that the ceremony will be conducted by a rabbi; although Sharon's father is Jewish, Kelly insists that a person cannot be Jewish unless their mother is. Ozzy is not at all enthused about the ceremony. Kelly and Sarah are less than impressed with Jack's latest female ""friend,"" particularly because she once dated Jack's best friend. Sharon catches the girl in bed with Jack, and later finds condoms in the room. She tries to encourage Jack to settle down and find a steady girlfriend, but he would rather juggle several girls because the idea of a relationship freaks him out. Ozzy and Jack have various body parts plucked, shaved and waxed before the wedding. Sharon recalls the couple's first wedding night, when Ozzy passed out drunk in the hallway. Ozzy insists that he will not drink this time. Sharon recites he

Ozzy grows increasingly tired of the dogs and their tendency to go to the bathroom everywhere. Because Sharon's immune system is very weak due to the chemo, he fears that all of the germs will cause her to develop an infection. He constantly cleans everything and tries to get everyone to wear gloves around Sharon. He also urges Sharon not to let the dogs on the bed, but she ignores him. Ozzy meets with a contractor about plans to build an outdoor kennel for all of the dogs, but Sharon quickly kills this idea. Jack and Sharon argue when she insists on going out to dinner. He believes she should rest, but she is feeling well and can't stand to be cooped up in the house. Sharon takes Robert shopping for furniture for his new room. She explains that Robert was a good friend to Aimee and Kelly after the Osbournes moved from England, so they have taken him in after his mother's death (from colon cancer). Jack bonds with Robert and shows him how to make one of his favorite treats, be

Kelly recruits her friend Sarah to play the drums in her band. However, Sarah has never had any formal lessons, and can't seem to keep up with the others during rehearsals. Everyone becomes very frustrated, and reaches the conclusion that Sarah must be replaced by someone with more experience. Kelly can't bring herself to fire her friend, so Sharon volunteers to handle it. Sarah gets $10,000 for her services, and a job handling the slate during the filming of Kelly's video for ""Shut Up."" Dill returns to town, and Jack invites him to stay at the house. Ozzy is not thrilled about this, but doesn't stand in his way. Dill and Jack engage in a political debate that seems to bore the rest of their friends. They later engage in a bizarre wrestling match in the driveway that finds them stripping half-naked. One of the dogs, Arthur, becomes too frisky as he deals with leftover ""feelings"" after being fixed. The family believes that Arthur has raped Gus the cat, although a veterinarian

Kelly begins dating Bert McCracken, lead singer of the band The Used. Sharon worries after hearing some stories about Bert (particularly the vulgar nickname he has within his band), while Jack thinks that Bert is weird because he professed his love to Kelly after only a few weeks of dating. Kelly warns that she will run off to Vegas and marry before the end of the year. Sharon actually encourages this, saying that she needs some excitement. Sharon worries about the situation, but Ozzy encourages her to relax and just focus on living one day at a time. Sharon wants Bert to stay at the house (and sleep in Jack's room) when his band comes to town. Kelly refuses to bring him over to meet the family because she fears they will threaten or embarrass him. She finally tries to sneak him into the house, but Sharon catches them. She asks Bert about his nickname, leaving Kelly mortified. Meanwhile, Ozzy has more problems with the television set, which winds up stuck on a cooking channel

Sharon recuperates at the family's Malibu beach house while undergoing treatment for colon cancer. She vows to beat the disease, and tries to maintain as normal a life as possible. Everyone talks about their reactions to the news of her diagnosis. Ozzy struggles to remain sober while on tour with Ozzfest. He had already been going through detox, and the news of Sharon's illness has made a difficult situation much worse. A family friend/employee tries to help Ozzy by helping him get into yoga and reading him poetry, but Ozzy is decidedly less than impressed. Some people try to talk to him about how religion helped them overcome their addictions, but he does not want any part of it. He is terrified by the prospect of losing Sharon, and doesn't want to be away from her. However, he elects to tough it out and stay on tour because he doesn't want to cause Sharon any further stress. Ozzy comes home for a few days during a break in the tour. Sharon tries to have a fire going in the

Sharon sends Ozzy, Kelly and Jack off on a tour of stars' homes so that she can have the house to herself and get some rest. She discusses the enormous (and immediate) impact that the show has had on their lives, and the unexpected fame that has resulted--particularly for Kelly and Lola. She notes all of the press the family has received, both on television and in print, and all of the merchandise that has been released in conjunction with the show. Ozzy and Jack play with their talking dolls on the tour bus and drive Kelly crazy. Sharon also mentions several important events that have occurred since the end of the first season, including a visit from Mike Myers (as part of a commercial the family filmed) and the chance to meet the queen at Buckingham Palace. Sharon also refers to her war of words with Bill Cosby, who upset her by making negative comments about the family. She was particularly angered by the fact that he called her children ""sad,"" and responded to his remarks wit

As Christmas approaches, Sharon goes on a shopping spree in New York while on tour with Ozzy and Jack. They learn that Michael, their security guard, has been arrested for robbing the house behind theirs. Michael denies any wrongdoing and insists that it was all a misunderstanding. He says he is filing a suit for wrongful arrest. The family, including Ozzy's eldest son Louis, gathers for the holidays. Christmas dinner features a number of arguments, but also several bright spots. Ozzy is very excited about the gravy he helped prepare. Jack receives a knife as a gift, but his parents want to take it away because they fear he will get into trouble with the law.

Ozzy mixes alcohol with the pain medication for his foot injury and winds up stoned. He tries to take Lola for a walk, but Sharon sends Jack to retrieve him. The Osbournes suffer through a miserable Thanksgiving. Ozzy works on the video for his song ""Dreamer,"" and adamantly refuses to wear a bat coat. Kelly grows frustrated when the media continually mentions Jack's work with Epic Records, as she feels they are implying that she isn't doing anything with her life. She angrily insists that she actually discovered the band that Jack is helping, and that he hasn't given her any credit. She turns to Ozzy for sympathy, but he isn't quite sure what he wants her to say. Ozzy grows fed up with the family and insists on returning to the tour alone. Sharon, Jack and Kelly decide to surprise him in Chicago for his birthday. They hide from him until his birthday because they fear he would become angry if he saw them before his birthday dinner.

Ozzy works with a personal trainer and attends rehearsals in preparation for an upcoming tour. He also records a series of silly videos that feature him in drag (including a spoof of the ""Lady Marmalade"" video) to be displayed on the giant screen during the shows. Sharon and Kelly upset Ozzy with their tendency to go on shopping sprees. They try to pull the wool over Ozzy's eyes, lying about what they have purchased and just how much they have spent. Kelly takes Ozzy's credit card without permission and manages to lose it. Sharon covers for her until she is able to find it in her truck. Sharon, Kelly and some of the dogs accompany Ozzy on the tour, while Jack stays home and tries to get his own record label started. Ozzy is appalled to discover some of the garish special effects to be used in conjunction with the shows, especially a bubble machine. He repeatedly complains about this to Sharon. Sharon tries to keep the tour itinerary hidden from Ozzy.

Ozzy makes the rounds to promote the release of his new album, Down to Earth. He reluctantly takes a limousine (which he hates) to Tower Records for an in-store appearance. Kelly attends the event and is surprised when several fans recognize her. Ozzy and Sharon are later guests on Loveline. Jack listens to the show and is horrified when his parents discuss their sex life. Jack goes away on a camping trip with his school while Ozzy, Sharon and Kelly are in New York. Ozzy appears on Late Night With Conan O'Brien and MTV's TRL, where Kelly joins him for a promo. Jack hates the camp, and gets in trouble for throwing rocks at other campers and arguing with the counselors. Sharon tries to help Kelly's best friend, Robert, shop for a gift for her 17th birthday. The family throws a big party in Kelly's honor. She goes out with her friends after the party and winds up getting a tattoo, which she unsuccessfully tries to hide from Sharon.

Ozzy Osbourne moves into a multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion with his wife/manager, Sharon; and their teenage children, Jack and Kelly. Ozzy grows increasingly frustrated by his inability to operate the family's new satellite television system. Kelly takes Jack to task for his habit of using his name to get into clubs. The two constantly argue, sometimes coming to blows. Ozzy reveals Kelly's tendency to have tempter tantrums, which he calls ""wobblers."" Sharon explains that Jack is a nice guy, but has trouble fitting in with his schoolmates. Sharon convinces a reluctant Ozzy to perform on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno. He later watches the broadcast (with Mike, the security guard who watches over the house), and feels that he gave a good performance.