Joe Millionaire

It feels like just yesterday that we met David Smith, Fox's new Joe Millionaire, and his bevy of European ladies, but it's time already for the finale. Paul, with his usual glass of brandy in his hand, tells us that David has narrowed his search to two women: Linda, who ""got back in at the end of the race,"" and Cat, who ""survived the entire marathon."" David will not only have to choose between the two ladies, but will have to tell one of them that he doesn't really have eighty million dollars. Let's get to it! David says that he's torn between the two women. With Linda, he was ""intrigued at first sight,"" but Cat is someone ""who I've developed a relationship with."" Linda and Cat talk and admire the diamond bracelets they got after the most recent elimination. Linda says that she thinks it's right that they are the last two women. Cat is not feeling the same camaraderie. In an interview, she says, ""I would be the winner, but Linda is back."" She says much the same thing to Linda's face. C

Petra and Cat are alone in the house. Since the two of them weren't getting along very well in part one of the episode, it's an uncomfortable dynamic. Cat says, ""It feels strange because all the others are missing."" Petra says that Cat can be hard to deal with, and now she has to deal with her alone. The two of them are eating a meal together again without talking. Cat says in an interview, ""I think she doesn't like me."" Was her first clue when Petra told her that she found her rude? For her part, Petra decides that if Cat doesn't want to be friendly and talk to her, she'll distance herself as well. In lieu of talking, she rifles through her handbag. If I were Petra, I would also give up on the possibility of having a nice conversation during meals with Cat and would just start bringing a book to the table with me. Paul arrives and sends the women to the grand salon for an announcement from Samantha. This really underscores Samantha's uselessness on the show, because why couldn't Paul

When we left our friends on The Next Joe Millionaire, David had just eliminated Giada and Kristyna. Giada, in spite of her threats, did not explode. Paul announced that David and his final four women—Olinda, Cat, Petra, and Anique—would be headed to Rome for more individual dates. If you want the full pulse-pounding details of the first part of this mega episode, check out my recap here. All caught up? Then let's head to Rome! David is thrilled to finally go to Rome, saying, ""a guy couldn't ask for more."" He says that they are staying in a very expensive hotel, so the women will surely be impressed. The women have a grand entrance of their own—when they pull up in limos surrounded by cameras, they attract paparazzi. The women mug for the cameras and seem to be enjoying the attention, but they end up having to enter the hotel through a back entrance. Apparently these paparazzi are easily outwitted. In the hotel, Paul welcomes them and offers to show them to their rooms. Olinda immediate

The show starts, as always, with my man Paul Hogan drinking a brandy and musing over David's latest dates. Paul says that David so far has been ""a fish out of water,"" but that this week, the women will have to adapt to David's environment when they take a trip to a ranch. Which of the women will fit into David's world? At the villa, the women are enjoying breakfast. Olinda is wearing a gigantic pair of sunglasses that cover pretty much her entire head. Lina tells the ladies that she dreamed about going shopping, then to a spa for a massage. Olinda jokes, ""that's my lifestyle."" Paul arrives and tells the women that David would like for them to know more about his life in Texas. For their date, he has gotten presents for all of them. The presents are outside. The women should get them and then pack for an overnight trip. The gifts are cowboy hats and boots for everybody. The women try on their new accessories and have a great time with it. Several of them get into the act by practicing s

When we left off last, we met all the girls, we met our new Joe, or David if you will. And we've ventured into the Tuscan Villa. Now it's time to find out what the girls' true motivations may be. It should be really interesting. The girls initially felt sorry for David because of how shy he came across. Plus, the women suddenly became very pro cowboy. David said all the girls were extremely beautiful. After the meet and greet, David invited the women to a ball. All the women took the rest of the day to prepare and dress and primp, etc. David said he wanted to make a good first impression. It's important because he needed to sell the fact that he has money. But he also said he doesn't want to come across as cocky. David was even more nervous about telling the girls that some of them will be going home. At the ball, David waited patiently for the women to arrive. David said that everything he's done so far was leading up to that moment. Paul escorted all the women out and his first impre