When did this turn into the new _Transformers_? At this point it’s pretty much the exact same formula, isn’t it? A combination of big, soulless monster fights interspersed with overqualified actors playing annoying characters. The script and direction suck, but who are we kidding by pretending anyone cares about that. Maybe the direction isn’t quite as lowbrow as Bayformers, but at least those movies had some personality to them. Just look at the difference in scale and visual craft alone. I love how you can tell they spent huge amounts of money on the CGI here, yet there isn’t a single shot where the titular creatures or environments look convincing. As a movie it’s very straightforward, long and generic, clearly aiming to be fun and self-aware but not really getting there due to a lack of eccentricity in its approach. I really don’t think this needs to be as respectable or well written as the latest _Planet of the Apes_ trilogy for it to work. Honestly going for dumb fun makes sense with this material, but what they’ve landed on here feels like _Minions_ for 12 year olds to me, just way too corporate and devoid of any real charm or creativity. You should get someone at the helm here with a really good understanding of silent film, someone who’s willing to bring out more of the absurdity and knows how to build character through motion. The fights should be creative and colourful, they shouldn’t feel like they’re directed by Roland Emmerich. Maybe experiment with a more stylized or heightened reality, as there’s no real reason for most of this to be set in recognizable locations. If the vision continues to be this bland going forward, I feel no desire to check out more of it. It’s one of the most non-descript, forgettable big films in recent memory.

2.5/10