There has never been a truly awful, **awful** entry in the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ franchise. But there's only ever been one that was truly any good. _Dead Men Tell No Tales_ does nothing to alter these assertions.

I would not begrudge anybody who enjoyed their time with this latest _Pirates_ movie, particularly anyone who saw it on the big screen, there's the zany action romps that the series has been famous for from the get go (and that started wearing thin on me after the second one) and some truly spectacular visuals including shiny rocks and zombie sharks (which I will refrain from making a joke about jumping). But where _Dead Men Tell No Tales_ fails harder than anywhere else is in its dialogue. Virtually every line is uncomfortable to hear delivered, and I can't see myself looking forward to the inevitable sixth instalment.

_Final rating:★★ - Had some things that appeal to me, but a poor finished product._