My Blue Heaven

Steve Martin as a clown gangster.

Life in the witness protection program for a loud-mouthed ex-mafia informant (Steve Martin) and his boring, buttoned-up FBI minder (Rick Moranis). Strangely, this serves as a counterpoint of sorts to Martin Scorsese's epic Goodfellas, and not just in the similar topic and release window. Both were actually based on the life of the same man, mobster turned stool pigeon Henry Hill, although My Blue Heaven takes some artistic license in casting him as a plucky, golden-hearted screwball. Yet, despite Martin's best efforts to be the loudest man in the room (he's certainly the loudest dressed) there's very little to see here. We watch him bristle at the prospect of a subdued retirement away from the bright lights, toy with the idea of starting his own operation in town, tease the local cops and... nothing. No growth, no conflict, no excitement. Even when he's literally under fire from spurned former conspirators, there's no tension in the air. It just feels like bad slapstick. Vacant and dull, pointless and meaningless, it's offensive in the lengths it takes to be inoffensive. I'm not sure why I did this to myself.