$hubes

2/10

Soooooooooo... a fresh review of this stinker, as I just watched it again after seeing all these _"Oh my god this was such a gruesome movie..."_ comments all over the web. In many ways, I'll stick to what I said in my earlier review (which, in all fairness, was drawn mostly from memories of seeing this several years ago and not recently): this is a highly UNREMARKABLE and very forgettable film. Why it's gotten the "outrage" is beyond me; by today's standards, this movie is not only extremely weak but it's also very tame. There is very little "gore" here; certainly nothing to speak of when you consider some of the works of Lucio Fulci (throwing up your own intestines, brains being ripped out of your own skull, inhaling - and then vomiting - an infestation of flying maggots, etc). This movie was almost laughable in most of the "kill" scenes…in fact, it **would** have been laughable had it not been so terrible, and the fact that the producer/directors wanted you to be horrified by it. I've read in several articles that the writer/produce, Nico Mastorakis, did this after seeing _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ and how audiences reacted to it (along with how much it brought in at the box office.) Ladies and germs, this ain't _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_… this is a joke. Although well-embellished for the sake of theater, TCM was based on actual events that took place in Texas; this _Island of Death_ is far from based on actual events, and can't even hold a candle to the "fear factor" of TCM. (Granted, the 2003 remake is far better than the 1975 original movie.) Here you have ZERO storyline. NONE. The entire movie has NO STORY at all. With no explanation, no backstory, no NOTHING, this couple shows up on some island somewhere (presumably Greece?) and just starts murdering and raping. The horndog male can't get laid, so he (laughingly) sodomizes a young goat...and don't watch this expecting to view actual bestiality; all you get is a guy approaching this young tethered goat, a shot from behind some hedges (waist-up only) showing the guy holding the goat in front of himself, and the goat pitifully bleating. That one pathetic scene is typical of the entire movie: it's just one pretense after another, with no real gruesome violence. In essence, this was just a softcore porn film (lots of boobs and pubes) with some imagined violence thrown in…for what purpose, I still have no idea. Again, I've read that once you see this, you'll never be able to "unsee" it. While that sounds terrifying, the only thing you need to fear is that you'll never be able to wash the stench of this smelly thing out of your head. Just as I've done for several years - and sadly, am destined to do for probably the rest of my life - you'll never forget watching this thing but not because of its fear factor. The only thing to be afraid of regarding this particular film is that you'll be sucked into watching it. This thing blew chunks. Don't waste your time on it.