Disappearance on Clifton Hill is more like a disappearance of your valuable time on an absurdly cliche masterwork in hot garbage.

Canadian so-called “mystery” that feels like a overwrought cut-scene for a bad video game. Spare yourself this blithering tax write-off for whoever financed it. One dimensional over-dramatic cast of characters lack a single iota of purpose running around like headless chickens at the whim of a personalitiness cliche female brooder. Yes, I found myself wondering by act 2 why she even cared about what she was doing hunting down a crime she witnessed at 7. From scene to scene I kept wondering how such a purposeless film could get made let alone cameo David Cronenberg, who is as terrible an actor as can be despite his directorial brilliance.

Cronenberg himself, as a cinematic icon of psychological horror, being in this poor excuse for some kind of deeper level of corruption in the movie budget bizness reveals much. Not to diverge on why awful movies like this are drowning streaming services (corruption in the movie biz on all levels) but when I found out David “F*ckin” Cronenberg was physically in this movie, playing a conspiracy theorist boomer, I felt a need to react.

If you don’t figure out the end of this ronk-fest within the first 5 minutes you deserve to be trapped in a cabin and only have this garbage to watch for eternity. If you’re a film geek like me watch it for Cronenbergs cameo and balk at the levels of horrible the rest of the cast, script and so-called “mystery aspects” are — tropes so simple to predict they point to evidence of my assertion this was a “scam film”, seemingly contrived by the Producers tax illiterate fourteen year old step-daughter to skimp on script costs while still receiving a hefty payday on this bonafied loss unopportunity.