When the opening line of the movie is a midget (excuse me, a "small person") saying, _"The new shipment has arrived, Master."_ you know it's gonna be a fun, ultra-cheesy, complete B-movie that you would stay up late on a Friday or Saturday night watching with a box of Ritz crackers and squirt cheese.

Except this wasn't.

I've watched movies like _Chopper Chicks in Zombie-Town_ , _Flesh-Eating Mothers_ , and worse but none of them compare to this awful mess. I've no idea what I just spent 88 minutes watching but it was absolutely awful. The "gore" was ludicrous, there was ZERO "storyline"; the acting was something that a cast of high-school teenagers could have surpassed, and the camera work was ridiculous. I would not even say _"Watch this only for the gore factor..."_ because the "gore factor" was the cheapest of FX you'll ever see. Some red paint (that LOOKED like paint) and nothing worse. Supposedly there was "torture" in the movie, but even that was horridly done. [spoiler]Probably the grossest moment of the entire film (and obviously intended for shock value but it was so ridiculous it couldn't even produce shock) was the "Ralphus" character taking the decapitated head and assumedly using it to perform fellatio on himself. (While nothing explicit was shown, of course, it was easily assumed when you saw the Ralphus character lowering the bloodied, decapitated head with one hand towards his torso and the next moment, you heard a zipper, then some groans while the others looked on in disgust/shock.)[/spoiler] Even the conclusion - while admittedly something unexpected given the turn of events near the end - was utterly silly. There was **nothing** enjoyable about this film: it was too bad to even be considered a "fun, ultra-cheesy, complete B-movie". It was just that bad. I will say this, however, for the hormonal, prepubescent boys who may happen to read this review: If you get your jollies on floppy tits and abundant pubic hair, then you'll probably get your little woody here. It was ridiculously stupid, horribly acted, awful camera work, and absolutely not worth watching for any reason.

I was genuinely hoping to be entertained by a cheesy, lousy B-movie that would be fun to laugh at; this fell short even of such limited expectations.