When I was a teenager in high school, I used to write stories. Of course, these were stories about myself, my closest friends, and our fantasy adventures, and they were only intended to be read by myself and those same closest friends. I made the mistake reading one of them MANY years later (I'm not a young guy) and it was so awful that I boxed them all up and tossed them in a dumpster that I felt sure NO ONE would ever go dumpster-diving in and uncover them. They were absolutely awful. So horrendously ridiculous, shallow, and pathetic attempts to live out some fantasy life that I thought would be the envy of anyone and everyone. Of course, when I was writing them at the tender age of 15, 16...maybe even 18? (I was still in high school is all I can remember about the specific age), they seemed wonderful, the sort of stuff that would make for a great screen presentation if ever anyone managed to see them.

That's what this movie felt like. Someone's horrid idea of what a "good story" would be if anyone ever discovered it, but the harsh reality is this is laughable putrefaction that no one in their right mind would read or sit through. Where in the world this thing ever came from is beyond my comprehension, and I can only imagine Alec Baldwin, being asked on his deathbed, _"Do you have any regrets about your life?"_ and his feeble, gasping reply: _"97 Minutes"_

This was so bad that I want to say, _"I have no words..."_ but the truth is, I _do_ have words. Just not enough to adequately describe how unbelievably terrible this was. EVERYTHING from the acting to the almost-laughable "fight" scenes, the ... well, just everything. This was just awful. Don't watch this. Take my word for it: Don't watch this. It was completely awful. Alec Baldwin is (usually) great in his roles but even he couldn't make this smelly turd enjoyable. This was just completely bad. There was.... You know what? Never mind. I've wasted enough time already; this movie was absolutely atrocious and NO ONE in their right mind would ever enjoy this. Don't watch it. You have been warned. It's terrible from start to finish.